just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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