I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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