We're facebook friends in real life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
