I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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