how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
