Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think my moral compass just broke
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