Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
