honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
