Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
