i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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