Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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