In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had sex on a roof
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
