I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
