So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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