Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have fence marks all over my body
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize