JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
