My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
