my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Randomize
