Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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