If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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