her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
