Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
