I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
