You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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