i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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