you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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