You're my little dorito
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
