What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
