New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
