marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
