How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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