I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
