My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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