Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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