Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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