Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
