He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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