I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
