he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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