Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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