I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
