Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
