u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
