i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize