She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
