i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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