He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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