i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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