I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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