So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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