Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
