how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
