Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize