Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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