If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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