you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
