I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Randomize
