i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
