he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want a musical about memes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
