do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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