operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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