He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize