Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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