im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
