My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
