Soap is not a condiment
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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