i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my liver is dry heaving
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
