Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
