I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
