Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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