No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
