I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My ass is underappreciated
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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