last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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