Barsexuality is the new black.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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