Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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