I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
