My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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